"Kapow!" and Duct Tape

What strikes me as odd is that even after long relationships and friendships with people, I find that despite hours of conversation, certain of their phrases continue to occupy a consistent, comfortable background in my mind and resurface from time to time.

As a good child of this generation, I've done my time in the therapist's office, rehashing what happened when and why and how. I remember many therapist's comments to me over the years, but one, who I just call "Kapow!" deserves a story here, not only for the humor, but for the link to anthropology (yes, I'll make a connection!)

I picked "Kapow!" from a list of "mental health providers" in my PPO network because her name sounded German and I like some of the German sensibility; this is based primarily on a friendship with a German Gestalt therapist.

"Kapow!" had no waiting room, so I stood in the hallway of her building for 20 minutes. When her previous client left, I opened the door and saw a woman sitting behind one of those tall receptionist-like desks. The door had a hinge so that it would close slowly, so I let it go only to hear it crash behind me.

She still did not look up or say hello. All she said as the door slammed shut and made me spill my coffee was "Kapow!" in a thick German accent. Still, she didn't look up.

For whatever reason, her response delighted me. It was eclectic and odd and I thought I might like this woman.

Once in her office, her cultural difference continued. Most therapists I've ever seen tell you to sit wherever you want, which can be unsettling - what does it mean if I pick that chair, or the couch or the other one? Not so with "Kapow!". She told me where to sit and we began from there.

A few sessions later, I was talking about something - perhaps the relationship I was in, who knows - and she looked me directly in the eye and said,

"Do you know what you need?"

She had a smile on her face, and I thrilled that a therapist might actually tell me what to do.

She pulled her hand across her mouth and said, "Duct tape." This was accompanied by the noise of tape being pulled off of the roll.

I was stunned. She was right, but I was stunned. She continued, "Blah, blah, blah, I've heard it all before," she continued.

I told me boss at the time (also a psychologist) about this and my boss was stunned.

The stories of my time with "Kapow!" are hysterical in hindsight and were somewhat illuminating and a bit disheartening at the time. She would alternately doze off in sessions, tell me that the "only" side effects of some medications were that they would make me "skinny and stupid"; and, my personal favorite, that my (now ex) "needs you (me) like they need a hole in the head." Again, this was accompanied by a gesture. Very German, I'm told.

While "Kapow!" did help me reach some insights into my own life and inner-workings, more than anything, she taught me about being an anthropologist in the field. She did not teach me to be skinny and stupid, but she did remind me of two crucial parts of being a good anthropologist (I think):

1.) Put duct tape over your mouth and listen.
2.) Don't fall asleep while people are telling you meaningful things about their lives.
3.) Never forget that however "objective" you might want to be, we , each of us, is ALWAYS a product of our own culture.